FROM WHAT I'M HEARING
Hello Betty Jack,
Hey Betty Jack: Sure am glad to see you're enjoying yourself down here in beautiful Daytona Beach....it's really an awesome place to live most of the time! (But, be prepared -- down here we don't have just one, we have TWO Bush boys to deal with and it is an awful burden to bear! At least our esteemed Governor can't run again!)
I had hoped to catch you at Groove on Saturday, but ended up being out of town... But, I was just wondering if you happened to see that cover shot of Carl Edwards on the ESPN magazine or newspaper or whatever it is (I was so dazed and confused after I saw those ripping muscles that it could have been the cover to a Danish political cartoon book and I wouldn't have cared a whole lot!) All I can say is Lawsey Miss Scarlet!!!! Now, if they could just have pulled that zipper down a little farther.......
Too bad we had to start the season out with a win for the biggest cheaters in the sport, but I guess we just have to accept that kind of thing...sure don't want to offend a big time sponsor by actually penalizing a team or anything like that. At least Ryan Newman had the guts to call them out after the race and remind everyone that this ain't the first time Jimmie and Chad have been over the line!
And, what happened to Tony? He was whining and crying about bump drafting and wild drivers who were going to kill someone, and then in the big race he seemed to be the biggest offender! Sure glad you didn't put him back on the Devine team....and, thanks for leaving Elliot on there in his new M & Ms Ford Fusion...talk about dreamy! I just know he's going to make the chase this year!
I've sure been missing racing these past few months and I've been looking forward to you commentary on NASCAR all this off-season long, so Let the Devine 9 and a half start their engines (they certainly keep mine revving pretty hot) and I'll see you at the Track Bar!
For those not lucky enough to have seen Carl's beefcake hot shot yet, click here. That page is an on-going public service by Susan and Christine, the Chattanooga half of the Live from the Seneca Lodge Bar blog ( http://www.shareabrain.blogspot.com/ ). Susan and Christine are the real party girls that make the infield so much fun.
Daytona Beach is a delight 24/7 - CLICK HERE FOR GAYTONA.COM'S GAY GUIDE TO DAYTONA BEACH
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Betty Jack's Track Yack
Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Well friends, as much as we suffered in the cold and rain in Atlanta the other week, your heart really goes out to the folks at Bristol. Here they were, lucky enough to get some of the most sought-after tickets in racing, only to find themselves fighting Old Man Winter! Cup qualifying rained out on Friday; Busch race almost snowed out on Saturday; and sitting out in near-freezing temperatures on Sunday! All y'all that were there and stuck it out definitely win what the Japanese call The Fighting Spirit Award.
The story of the week was that Chad Knaus was bringing his magic fingers back to the #48 of Cheatie Johnson. Well honey, JJ should have let that boy set out some more races, from the looks of the day the Lowe's Chevy had. Cheatie's luckless day and his pitiful finish -- 13 laps down in 30th place -- pushed him back to 3rd in points and moved our gorgeous Kasey Kahne up to just 8 points from the top!
The invocation Sunday was brought by the Rev. Mike Rife of the Vansant Church of Christ in Vansant, Tenn. Singing the National Anthem was Diamond Rio. Man, is it just me or do these guys sing the anthem at a lot of races? It sure seems like it. The flyover planes were VFMA 122 Cruisers.
Since qualifying didn't happen, the line-up was set by points, with Tony Stewart on the Bud pole. The action started right away as the #48 cut a tire and came in. There were a lot of cut tires Sunday; the announcers said the track is old and set to be repaved next year, and there might be rebar coming out if it! (What's next, "severe tire damage" spikes that can pop up to goose dull races?)
Long about lap 160, several cars went around, maybe because Mikey's car lost oil.
At lap 188, the Ryan Newman and Kevin Harvick's cars were fighting when a large wreck got the Brian Vickers machine and some others. At lap 262 it was bad luck for the team in a wreck that involved Reed, Jamie, Casey and Ryan! Soon Elliott got in a wreck, too. After a restart, Jeff Gordon NEEDLESSLY spun out DeVine 9 1/2 rookie Martin Truex Jr. Well, after that restart it looked like Martin was trying so hard to get back at Jeff that he totaled his own car in a messy wreck. FOX let slip some audio with Martin's crew chief screaming at him on the radio, hollering something about the set-up "was a piece of shit." FOX quickly apologized, but the awful damage was done, and somewhere Baby Gerald's unflawed ears were thus that day defiled.
As the car of Ken Schrader got into a near wreck, up in the booth DW started carrying on about "ha ha, Little Debbie there, that's the wildest ride she's ever had!" He also said "ooh, Little Debbie is drawing up!" when the car made it through a really tight place. (Some of y'all that are Yankees, if you don't understand "drawing up," think nekkid man in a tub of ice water, m-kay?).
Anyway, so I says to Mabel, I says, long about six to go, that new Kurt Buschbot, the one that is supposed to be exactly like you and me, moved Matt Kenseth out of the lead. Then after Jeff Gordon pushed past Matt, Matt spun Jeff, sending the rainbow wrecker back to a 21st place finish after running up front most of the afternoon. Kurt Busch won it, and it didn't look to me like anybody in the stands was much excited about it.
Now next listen to mother, honey and grab your cocktail and DUCK cuz they are not playing now! Jeff looked like a Japanese cartoon when he jumped out of his car and gave a massive shove to Matt, who was walking up to talk about the trouble on the track. Well NASCAR showed him, because he had to go to the trailer and pay $10,000 whole dollars! My lip's poked out about it, how about yours? What's that to him anyway, like one fill-up in the yacht?
And Harvick said, "I hate to see Kurt Busch win. What a whiner." So now I'm predicting they will have to make some adjustments in the Buschbot's automatical controls, you dig? Because something about him is just making people more hostile than ever! Gosh, when he was doing one interview, it was almost painful to watch him try and keep his teeth bared while he talked about what a great time he's having now. It was kind of like when Mr. Burns ran for governor and they were trying to teach him how to smile.
Well it was an exciting race and certainly set up lots of man-drama to watch out for in Martinsville! Even the New York Times is covering this stuff now -- two articles in two days!
DARK DAY AT THE TRACK
We note with sorrow the passing of Paul Dana, who died Sunday morning in a crash during practice at Homestead-Miami, where the IRL season opener was held later that day. Dana was a sportswriter turned rookie driver, and his career was already off to a rough start: He broke his back in practice before last year's Indy 500. The wrecked car Dana slammed into was driven by Ed Carpenter, who is the step-son of IRL founder Tony George. (To review the endlessly fascinating history of the Hulman-George clan, click here http://www.gaytona.com/trackyack2004/2004brickyard400.html.) We express our sincere condolence to the family, friends and fans of Paul Dana, driver #17.
The Speed channel continues to give us super shows. Check out Back in the with Dale Jr. (vintage races on film with commentary at the time by Bud Lindeman, whose show Car and Track gave nifty half-hour recaps of the races) and 7 Days, where a camera crew follows someone around for a week and shows how they work. What's really cool about this show is that it ends with the Sunday race and it airs on Monday night! It's so polished it's hard to believe they can wrap it and get it on the air in 24 hours. Whoever is putting this together is really hitting it hard. The episode I saw tracked that adorable Bootie Barker, who's now crewing the 66 car of Jeff Green. I found out Bootie's an engineering graduate of Old Dominion. Virginia, oh yeah -- that explains why he, like Elliott, has that sugar man way of talking, oh daddy yeah.
Well that's it for this week, lads and ladies. See you in Martinsville -- Let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!
Betty Jack DeVine