Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Congratulations to the 2004 NASCAR Nextel Cup Champion, the DeVine 91/2's very own Kurt Busch! Way to race, Kurt! How fabulous to be so young -- just 26 -- and have achieved stock car racing's highest honor! Kurt has been way, way, up and down through the years, what with his feud with Jimmy Spencer and getting booed after winning the Sharpie race at Bristol last year. I myself felt the sting of the anti-Kurt sentiment last October, when a drunk at Atlanta Motor Speedway reacted to my #97 shirt by shouting "Rubberhead! Rubberhead!" as he staggered in my general direction.

Kurt, take a word of advice from kindly old Aunt Betty -- loosen up and enjoy your championship! You never look like you're having much fun. I read in USA Today that you mow your own farm and obsessively try to beat your previous mowing times. It's nice that you have some goats, but it's good to have human buds and babes too. Maybe now that you've made it, you should get photographed staggering drunk out of a bar, signing big-titty girls' shirts -- with a Sharpie of course -- on the way to your limo. Arrange a "gang-bang" with some other drivers and one or two big-titty girls, and "leak" news of it to the Star or the Globe! It will make the country folk love you like a favorite nephew! Everyone loves a clown -- especially a rich clown who does things!

The win Sunday went to Greg Biffle, and we congratulate him on that. It was a great finish for the DeVine 91/2. Jamie took 11th place, so he will get the $1 million bonus and be onstage at the Waldorf banquet. (Last week, there was a flurry of "what might have been" pieces that talked about how Jamie might been one of the top Chase contenders had he not been hit with that 25-point fine, which knocked him into 11th. Honey, that was NASCAR's mistake, and NASCAR's loss. As a Chase contender, Jamie would have brought all of America to our sport. And if he'd made Champion -- well, let's say I wouldn't have felt the need to write the previous paragraph about Jamie, because Jamie never seems boring or serious or self-centered. EVERYONE always says Jamie "lights up the room.")

In addition, we congratulate Kasey Kahne, whose great season (even without a win in Cup) made him Raybestos Rookie of the Year! Hurray, Kasey! This delicately handsome fellow is going to go a long, long way in NASCAR, I predict. I know those long fingers are shaky when he's having his post-race soda, but don't let that fool you: He's not afraid to fly fast and hard, Kasey, we'll be looking for lots more from you next year.

Congratulations to Baby E, whose six wins were a team high! Way to race, Jr. It was especially great to share your spring victory in Atlanta when Dixie and I attended our first-ever Cup race in person!

The invocation Sunday was by Miss Florida USA, Melissa Witek. She prayed a real nice prayer. Trace Adkins sang the National Anthem. You know him from that song "Then They Do," about a dad who wishing his kids would grow up and get out of the way... and then they do (sniff).

There were two crashes Sunday before the crowd got the chance to sit down. We wondered what it would mean for Kurt chances when he was trying to come in under green, then lost his whole right front wheel! Kurt was able to make it onto pit road, but his tire took a trip down the front-stretch, bringing out the caution. That was a happy coincidence for Kurt, since he was able to pit and still stay on the lead lap, since the field was frozen.

After a while, Jeff was leading and there was some rain on the track! Would the weather be a factor, as Benny Parsons might say? Well, there were several more wrecks and some cautions, With 100 laps to go, Kurt was trailing Jimmie by six points. But by lap 208, Kurt had a 14-point lead over JJ. At lap 264, Ryan was leading when he blew a right front and brought out the 14th caution. This set up a green-white-checker finish with Tony, Greg, Jeff, Jimmie and Kurt. Soon after the restart, Greg passed Tony and took his second victory of the 2004 season.

So... now what? We here at Gaytona will follow the pace car off the track and go behind the wall for a little rest. But we're planning to be back next year -- with a dramatically different team! While we thank and honor all our DeVine 91/2 team members... well, some of y'all just too boring. We're looking for a few good dudes to put on the team for '05. Suggestions? Comments? Send them to bettyjack@bellsouth.net.

But before we pull the garage door down on a really terrific season of racing, I have to say:

That's it, friends -- Let's all get together in February down in Daytona Beach for Speed Weeks! Again, thank you all. This holiday season, let's all pray for an end to war and murder. "God bless us, everyone!"