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RACE FAN OF THE WEEK

Betty Jack-

First of all, why were you surprised Kasey Kahne has a little bit o' chest hair to play with? Didn't you study and drool all over the People spread he did for the Sexiest Eligible Batchelors Who Look Good Driving Fast Red Cars? Or whatever it was. Anyway, I'm surprised you missed that lil' detail :)

And second of all, to the Daily Show producer's question: Don't you think there could be some sort of great promotion with Fructis and Brian Vickers? Honestly, like one lucky winner gets drawn to share a shower & shampoo with BV? And hell, if Kasey's chest needs a good ol' shampoo too, I'd volunteer...

No wait, before this gets *outrageous*... THAT, Mr. Daily Show producer, might be too gay!

Ain't it great to have 2005 underway?!

Rock on!
-Chuck








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Previously on
Betty Jack's
Track Yack

Betty Jack's Track Yack:
Bristol 500

Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Congratulations to Kevin Harvick, who went from the rear of the field to win the Food City 500. It was a tough week for our team: We only had two guys in the top 10 -- a big letdown after Atlanta, where we had seven running up front. Bristol lived up to its reputation as a nervous breakdown in a clothes-dryer full of racecars -- the action started on lap 1 and seldom let up. But from the standpoint of the DeVine 91/2 , most of that action was way wrong.

Heading into Sunday, things looked downright upbeat for our guys: Elliott Sadler was on the pole at the track where, in 2001, he scored his first Cup win. With him on the front row was our Dave Blaney, and the first 10 also included Jeff Gordon, Ryan Newman and Kasey Khane! Elliott was adorable celebrating his pole after qualifying Friday night. And yet, there was already a hint of the trouble to come. Last week's big winner, Carl Edwards, spun out in qualifying just as soon as he moved from the apron up onto the banks, hitting both the inside and outside walls and dropping to the rear of the starting grid.

Grateful to be at the track after Saturday's Busch rainout, the 155,000 on hand were called to silence in memory of Pope John Paul II by the Rev. Mike Rife of the Van Zandt Church of Christ. (I believe this is the denomination where the congregation shouts "FREEBIRD!" when they get happy at the church-house.) The National Anthem was sung by Buddy Jewell, a country music recording star who has sung on NASCAR before. The Pennsylvania Air National Guard had four planes in the flyover.

Just as happened in Atlanta, there was a chain-reaction crash immediately: This one involved Jason Leffler, Hermie Sadler and Jimmy Spencer. But for our team, the bad news was that Carl shot his radiator by banging into Hermie and was behind the wall for a while before coming back 25 laps down.

The next news for our team was when wreck Casey Mears and Joe Nemechek got into it along with Kyle Busch. I am hoping Casey realizes he needs a makeover and loses that "prison" or "mental patient" type of haircut. Look at the fluffy locks of Elliott and Kasey, and copy their winning 'dos!

The wrecking went on and on: by lap 90, nine cars were behind the wall. At lap 122, Jeff lost many spots as he came in under green for tire trouble. He was slowed further because one of his crew thought they were changing four and started to pull off a wrong tire. Jeff lost two laps here. As he bumped past the leader Rusty Wallace to get one back, the TV picture recalled a race at Bristol where Jeff had famously bumped Rusty from the lead on the last lap to take the checkers.

Ryan spun into the wall -- with help from Ken Schrader -- on lap 150. By this time, Jamie was 4th. Go Jamie! After a restart at lap 160, Jamie passed Kenseth for 3rd! Caution number seven came out for debris at lap 185, and Jeff got his lap back. During an ensuing long run, Jamie had to come in under green to get his tires seen to. At lap 333, Bobby Hamilton Jr. set off a massive crash on the backstretch that FOX said involved 14 cars. From our team, there was damage to the cars of Mark, Jamie, Dave, Mikey, Jeff and Kasey -- that's like half the team! Bobby Jr. definitely took the "class act" award of the day by 'fessing up to his mis-driving.

We got a big dose of Jimmie Johnson on lap 362 when the #48 got into Jeff Burton, who spun and was then hit head-on by Kurt Busch. These guys were shook up bad and we are glad they climbed out OK. When I look at Jimmie, I am reminded of the motto made famous by Eddie and Chavo Guerro on the old Atlanta-based WCW Wrestling: "Cheat to Win." Keep an eye on these guys: In an angry post-crash interview, Jeff Burton insisted that he "won't tolerate" much of that type of driving from Jimmie. Will they carry their bitter memories to Martinsville on Sunday?

And Jimmie, while you're watching your back, better put the #15 car on your enemies list: Mikey cut down a tire and had to come in under green, at lap 420, after contact from the #48. With 24 to go, Jeff Gordon made it past Biffle without being wrecked. With nine to go, another of our boys' hopes were dashed when Jeff came in under green. After Jimmie and Travis Kvapil traded smacks, the race wound down and Harvick won.

To keep all this fresh in your mind for Martinsville, I give you the following:

CLIP N' SAVE:

A handy guide to guys who could be looking to serve some "Bristol payback" to points leader Jimmie Johnson at Martinsville this week:

  • Jeff Burton #31 -- hit and spun by Jimmie, then hit head-on by the #97
  • Kurt Busch #97 -- took that head-on hit from Burton in the spin
  • Michael Waltrip #15 -- had to come in under green after contact from the #48
  • Travis Kvapil #77 -- banged by the #48 late in the race
  • NO SHE DIDN'T!

    I've told y'all before about the funny "shopping channel" commercials Mikey and Jr. are doing for NAPA. Well honey, Sunday's beat them all: Mikey presented this black rubber coolant hose that Jr. "ooh'd and ahh'd" over, then Mikey added an adjustable metal loop to the hose and declared, "with the right accessory this hose just screams!" And Jr. said, "It sure does, Michael. It screams, 'THIS GUY KNOWS HIS HOSES!" I laughed so hard I had to call Amy and Amanda to see if I was tripping!

    That's it for this week friends -- thanks for stopping by the trailer. See you at Martinsville -- let's all meet up down at the Track Bar!

    Love,
    Betty Jack DeVine


    E ME at Bettyjack@gaytona.com