Welcome, gay NASCAR fans! Well darlings, for our woofalicious fantasy team, Sunday's race at Pocono was all about extremes -- we had some of the DeVine 91/2 in the top 10, some up in the wall, and some behind the wall.

Our guys grabbed the top four spots, with another well-deserved win for Ryan Newman. That's four trophies this year, y'all -- the most of any driver! When he climbed out of the #12 in Victory Lane, Ryan exuded so much charm and control that everyone we were watching with just kind of gulped and panted. His hair and skin were perfect, even after hours in a hot racecar! I'm talking movie star cute, OK? Y'all, I love Matt and I'm glad he's got the points lead, but if foxy Ryan keeps winning, he really could take over as the face -- and heart -- of Winston Cup 2003. And bringing home second, third and fourth were Kurt, Baby E and Mikey!

Ryan started on the pole and led the first 31 laps. By lap 80, both Jamie McMurray and Mark Martin were behind the wall. Jamie's car had torn up and they fixed it after a while, but Mark had wrecked and that was it for him. It would be great to see Mark get his groove back, like the businessman does in the Viagra commercial. "Woah, Bob! New haircut?"

Jamie came back on the track and raced his way back up from 9 laps down to 5 laps down. The NBC announcers were talking like Jamie was in the way of the leaders toward the end, but honey he was fast, so let him run, all right? By the way, Jamie had a car-cam this week and I'm saying it was the finest, sharpest car-cam we have ever seen! Oh, Jamie!

We noticed that Jeff Burton's suck-jug fell out his window as he drove off of pit lane one time. Have y'all ever had that happen, and it was a great big cocktail you just fixed? Man, I hate it when that happens!

Mikey and Jr. were cute drafting together. One time they really caught a break when they came in under green and the yellow flag waved for a stalled car so they stayed on the lead lap! Talk about luck...

At one point, the announcers mentioned that "a slightly demented fan"had run out on the racetrack at the start/finish line! They said something about not wanting to make too much of it, lest it become a fad, like running out onto the baseball field. Of course, I must mention that the potential outcome of running onto a NASCAR track is much, much worse than running onto a baseball field! This will never catch on, I say. Besides the fear factor, most people at the speedway are way, way too tore up to figure out how to get over those big curved fences! "Too much trouble, dude! Where's my beer?"

It was the 700th Winston Cup start for Ricky Rudd, whose son had designed a special commemorative paint scheme for the car, but sadly that car tore up as well.

Jeff Gordon got wrecked out when some close racing spun him up into the wall. He climbed right out, but the wreck cost him second place in the points.

A little later, the tragic NBC announcers were chattering like loons and showing a computer cartoon of the inside of a motor -- meanwhile, back on the track, Tony Stewart's car tore up while he was running in second! Another bad day for our team's defending Winston Cup champion.

I will say aloud here what others are whispering: Should Tony have left Pontiac for Chevrolet? His year has been hella sucky so far, and even slack NBC was ready with the wreck-out/breakdown footage to prove it.

Jimmy Spencer had the lead briefly, and a dark psychological cloud of dread and terror passed over the racetrack as everyone wondered who he would wreck out this week! Luckily, everyone escaped.

In the post-race interviews, Dale Jr. looked wicked glad to be on top of Gordon in the points. June Bug., you are such a star!

GRAHAM FOR PRESIDENT TRUCK UPDATE!

In NASCAR Craftsman Truck racing this week, the #50, driven by hunky Jon Wood and sponsored by Bob Graham for President, finished 6th. Go, Jon and go, Democrats! We're going to beat Bush, y'all!

BETTY'S BOOK CLUB

Thanks to Chunkie who wrote in to recommend Rhonda Rich's book "My Life in the Pits: Living and Learning on the NASCAR Winston Cup Circuit,"with a foreword by Richard Childress. Chunkie notes that while "It's a little bit weird to read with all that mystical stuff,,, She does cover her relationship with Tim Richmond..."Of course, Tim was a very talented and flashy racer who was a rival to the young Jeff Gordon. Tim died tragically of AIDS; he is seldom given the kind of respect afforded other drivers who have passed. Thanks for the tip Chunkie -- maybe I'll run across this one and pick it up.

WELCOME, POTSY'S PET PORTRAITS!

This week, I'm delighted to welcome a new advertiser, Potsy's Pet Portraits! Noted Atlanta artist Potsy Duncan, who has drawn many famous criminals and innocent persons for CNN and other channels as a courtroom artist, is offering her services to glorify your wonderful pet. You can arrange to have an acrylic painting done from your favorite photograph of your pet, and you will be so I delighted with the results, I promise!

I got Potsy to paint my Aunt and Uncle DeVine's little dog Butch some years ago, and it was totally their favorite Christmas present that year! And her painting of my dear Tammy Sue enjoying a Budweiser box "kitty ride"courtesy of Dixie Richardson is just the cutest!

Click here to see some of her adorable paintings and find out how to get one of your own animal pal!

That's it for this week, race buds and babes, If any of y'all live near Indianapolis, I heard there are still 10,000 tix available to the Brickyard on Sunday. If you go, send me a story and some pictures, you hear?

Thanks for stopping by the trailer -- See y'all at the Track Bar!