Y'all know that like a bad tomcat who has to roam, I just can't help cheating on my NASCAR boys with my Formula One boys. Well, this week the super-elite F1 world has been rocked to its core by a wildly scandalous story published in London's News of the World. It seems the paper came into possession of a video showing FIA President Max Mosely in a shocking Nazi-themed S&M sex orgy with five hookers! I mean the details are sleazy: Mosely pretends first to be a concentration camp prisoner, then a torturer, the paper says.

What's even crazier is that his daddy actually was a big Fascist, and Hitler himself came to his daddy and mama's wedding! Mosely's auntie Unity was such a big Nazi-lover that when Britain declared war on Germany, she wrote a farewell letter to Hitler and then she shot herself in the head with the pearl-handled pistol Hitler had given her! Years later, she finally died. I mean, this whole story is just NUTS!

I try to keep this site from getting too hard-core smutty, so I would never repeat all the details from what the News described as a "FIVE-HOUR torture chamber video," but they're right there on the Web for anyone to read: http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/3003_nazi_orgy.shtml

From what are known in F1 as the "constructors" to Bahrain's crown prince, who promptly disinvited Mosely from this weekend's race, reaction has been quite swift. Anybody want to start a pool on how long Col. Clink lasts? Or maybe he's such a super-secret insider that he's totally bulletproof, no matter how many times he gets caught pretending to be der fuhrer, terrifying some pretend milk-maid? "Stay tuned, Bat-pervs!"